A long overdue two-part article on love, remuddling, and the meaning of life:

Take your estimate of how long it will take to do a renovation, and triple it. That way, you’re not blaming each other when you’re three months behind and under stress. We were naive enough to believe that we could get two bathrooms and a kitchen done in a month, an idea so absurd that we laugh ourselves silly thinking about it today. I know better now. When my very optimistic husband says that the driveway will be done in 2 weeks, I nod in agreement and mentally double or triple it. The truth is, there is always a setback or a delay, even when we think we got it all figured out. For example, the living room. We’ve painted many rooms and thought we were seasoned pros. But the renovations gods saw our budding smugness and smited us with a knee injury, which set us back a few days.

Both parties should try really hard to stick to the budget and negotiate compromises. I would have really liked handmade subway tiles with thick glaze in the bathroom…or the wedding cake vintage chandelier at the antique store. But I also knew that going over budget meant stress, lots of it. Fights over money are a huge factor in marital discord, at least that’s what I always hear. I’m very lucky in that Tig loves to find the best compromise between price and value. We came in at our uppermost limit for the the two bathrooms and kitchen. If we had gone way over, it would have caused a lot of stress.

Get friends and family to come over to help out. Beg, wheedle and bribe them to come over. Feed them and praise their work. They’re not just saving you money, they could help save your marriage. When we were falling behind, we were so grateful to Jona, Sandy and Elvis for coming up to help. Their burst of energy pushed us forward and helped us gain momentum again. We would have never made it to the finish line on time, were it not for their help. Our parents also stopped by at various points in time to give us an extra hand. Friends introduce a different energy, not to mention different topics of conversation. Sometimes we need to talk to someone other than each other. Another added benefit of having friends and family over to help: we are far less likely to misbehave and argue in front of other people.

Know when to hire out. Neither Tig nor I could landscape-design our way out of a paper bag, so we hired a landscape designer. We can barely tell one type of plant from another, and my crowning achievement was the time I correctly pointed out that a dogwood tree is not the same as a magnolia tree. It would have taken us years in order to get up the learning curve about hardscaping, drainage issues, spatial relationships, plant species and focal points. Now we can spend years implementing the plan and learning as we go.

We hope these tips are helpful. Tell us what you do.